I'm not super nervous. ugh. What if the chemistry that's so strong with

our clothes on leaves with our clothes?

Whatever chemical this is, you should bottle it.

IG, I think it's just when people have compatible pheremones.

So the idea of people "having good chemistry" is supposed to be literal?

Yup.

One of my partners likes to say: chemistry is not something you "have"; rather, chemistry is something you "find."

Meaning, you have to work for it. Every time.

I'm not buying that. If the chemistry isn't there they can work for it and it ain't gonna happen.

I'm agreeing with pandora there.

Sometimes, the potency of the chemistry makes you do stupid things. Other times, nothing could make it work... or if there is something, it requires an effort beyond recommendation.

You're both reacting to a related assertion, but it's not exactly the assertion I was making. So let me try again.

In my experience, you can get with the *most* *attractive* *partner* in the world--yet the chemistry might be smoking hot your first time with them, but then you have problems with arousal the second time you get together with them. So it ends up requiring patience and work and conscious effort to keep things from getting stale and boring. Even when the chemistry is there.



Sometimes we all have days when we're just not in the mood--at least those of us who are not all the way at the right hand side of the asexual/sexual spectrum. Or sometimes we have days when we drank too much...

Or for some of us, myself included, we're at some level turned on by novelty or turned on by taboo, and those can be fetishy things that stop working for us after a while, or even, like only work the first time.



I've been in a relationship for 11 years now. I'm not sure I know any couple who's been together that long that's just as sexual as when they first met... (ahem, show of hands?)


(And said 11-year relatioship was never really primarily about sex in the first place, but that's another discussion for another post)

2019-01-29 08:20 from pandora
I'm not buying that. If the chemistry isn't there they can work for it

and it ain't gonna happen.

So what the fuck do we all do when we're old and wrinkled and we don't turn each other on like we used to. There's got to be a way to make things work when the chemistry is no longer what it once was. Because the alternative is, to me, unacceptable.

To put it another way there's chemistry[1] and chemistry[2], you have to work for the latter.

I'm talking actualy physical chemistry. Like the person might not even look physically atttractive to you, but your hormones and theirs match so well that you just cna't help having amazing sex.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/14/science-of-attraction-_n_6661522.html for example

And there's physical attraction, emotional attraction and mental attraction.
Over times, the levels differ and mix interestingly.

I'm talking actualy physical chemistry. Like the person might not even

look physically atttractive to you, but your hormones and theirs match

so well that you just cna't help having amazing sex.

I wonder if that happens when two people have a high degree of genetic compatibility and are likely to produce strong healthy offspring.

Really though, you should sit down and draw a bunch of Punnett squares before mating.

Really though, you should sit down and draw a bunch of Punnett squares

before mating.

My compatibility matrix is complexifying out into more and more sub-dimensions over time :-/

"wife goggles" :-D

Just remember, the more she drinks, the better you look ;)

New Years Resolution #2: continue to practice zero-tolerance for the cyber-bullying that's been coming at me from certain quarters.

Even if it means ending my relationship (which, technically speaking, I literally just did last night; "you are dead to me"; "stop harassing my friends"; "if you f* with my friends, you f* with me."

My advice is if it's over, it's over. If you've stated it as such you need to keep moving forward. Because using a breakup as a threat would be a shitty way to continue the relationship.

There's truth in that, but there have been lots of shitty ways to continue this relationship and none of them were coming from me.


What you're objecting to is the "don't say it if you don't mean it", aspect of all this, but that's what I've been getting from her, over and over again. Bad faith communication.

Well, you said it, did you mean it?