Caution, 

Self pity ahead

Do not read this post unless you are made of compassion, I am critically fragile.

1 week ago my life fell apart, shattered by the man I love.

it has been the longest week of my life, a week in which I discovered that the man I loved, and would have married without hesitation had vanished, to be replaced by some shadowy figure who I just don't know, who looked and acted like my love, but wasn't.

A veiled figure living a secret, and sordid life, hidden from me "to protect me." 

It didn't tho'

I've lost my wonderful life.

I can never go home, the home I spent over a decade creating is a now a memory loaded with sadness, my beautiful garden, into which I put hours of planning and work, and finally finished just a couple of months ago, might now just as well be a wasteland, for my joy has been stolen.

I may never be the same again.

Ouch.  That's terrible, and I'm so sorry to hear about it.  If you don't want to go into any further detail that's fine, or if talking about it helps, that's fine too.

I've never had my heart broken by a love interest, but I've had friends walk away without an explanation, and yes, it hurts.  So this must be worse.  Dunno if that sounds compassionate or not, but that was the intention.  I suck at this.

Sun Aug 02 2020 12:19:27 PM EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored Subject: Re: Caution, self Pity Ahead.

Ouch.  That's terrible, and I'm so sorry to hear about it.  If you don't want to go into any further detail that's fine, or if talking about it helps, that's fine too.

I've never had my heart broken by a love interest, but I've had friends walk away without an explanation, and yes, it hurts.  So this must be worse.  Dunno if that sounds compassionate or not, but that was the intention.  I suck at this.

I read it as compassion. You don't suck as much as you think.

Mon Aug 03 2020 11:40:31 AM EDT from darknetuser @ Uncensored Subject: Re: Caution, self Pity Ahead.

I suck at comforting people too. I am probably a closet autist.

IMO it is much, much better to discover your significant other is a shady bastard before you get seriously engaged. I mean it. My mother discovered which sort of backstabbing bastard my father was once I had been born and there were mortages to be paid, at which point you can't really go through a divorce or anything, and are stuck with the bastard forever.

13 years, 'Nuff said.

We're working on a resolution. It will not be easy. Fortunately, there are no kids (I'm infertile) and the mortgage is paid.

Oh 'bella! I'm so sorry! 

If you need to talk, I've had some serious heartbreak, though... not after that kind of time. I mean my husband is sick of me, but not in an acute way... just... can't stand the whole thing anymore. Especially under Corona.

but I've been cheated on and treated like trash after falling in love...

Yup. Exactly. 

When we were engaged, my wife, then my fiancée was at a party and was talking to my ex-girlfriend, a cosmic, dippy, experimental, avant-garde airheaded bimbo.... and said vapid ex told my wife about her new boyfriend, 


"You can't understand how in love we are, how deep our connection is..." 

28 years later, ex-bimbo is still single - and probably still certain that her emotions and reality is far deeper, complex, full of truths and more complete than the one my wife and I share. ;) 

 

Wed Jan 27 2021 12:29:17 EST from LoanShark

the themes - but I feel like they're the kind of musicians who think
they're far more enlightened about *everything* than *anyone* else. 

BUT WE'RE PSYCHEDELIC PROG-ROCKERS SO WE UNDERSTAND THE DEEP TRUTHS

LOL... my niece told me that she exclusively dates black guys after seeing the way my Nephew and I treated our girlfriends in High school...  (We're all about the same age). 

I told her, "Yet I married my wife and we've been married for 27 years and have been successful in our relationship and our finances and you see how I treat her, how supportive I have been.... The lesson you should have learned was, "don't be someone who is easily discarded, shallow, superficially pretty and easily replaceable."" 

My niece is still single at 44 and has had two fairly casual but long term relationships. There is more going on - she was raised by men-hating liberal feminist women in my family, who are also all single spinsters - and come from a long line of single spinsters. 

The girls I dated when I was single were like Happy Meals. Cheap, disposable, and consistently amusing for the investment I made in them. Not all of them... but the majority of them were. I'm not a mysoginist - I only have disdain and contempt for women who deserve it. :) 

Wed Jan 27 2021 17:51:59 EST from LoanShark

28 years later, ex-bimbo is still single - and probably still certain

that her emotions and reality is far deeper, complex, full of truths

and more complete than the one my wife and I share. ;) 

Bingo. TBH, life is hard word and deeep connection, sexual or otherwise, is secondary to just showing up for each other and doing the boring drudgery and acting with commitment. Especially if you have kids. I don't, but that's another story.

Sounds like your ex is a Head, you may have dodged a bullet. ;)


Don't get me wrong, I think there's a place for bizarro psychedelic energy on occasion, too.

But yeah, psychotic unstable girlfriends are *fun* when you're high-school or college-aged and party-rockin' all the time. :) It led to all kinds of Jim Morrison type escapades that made my fame grow among my social circles and pretty young I realized that MOST girls don't want a boyfriend... they want an accessory... like a Coach handbag. You're not competing with the other GUYS, so much as competing to be the thing on her arm that makes all the other girls want that thing on THEIR arm. You can leverage THAT into a circuit of trips to the clinic to ask your doctor, "Should I be concerned about this?!?" 

:) 

That is as much true with this kind of female at 45 as it was at 14, from what I see. The woman that I married saw through this. I had to chase her down for a long time. She made me get to know her. She got to know me. She made it clear that she wasn't going to eff around and that she was perfectly willing to move on immediately with no do-overs if I made any mistakes. At the same time, she made it clear she was genuinely smitten with *me*... not because she had the coach-handbag... but because she saw that it was way more potentially valuable than an overpriced commodity purse. She completely understood my whoring around and the way I treated this girls and frankly, she thought they all deserved it. She treated the Jimbos the same disregardable way I treated the Bimbos, too... though less prolifically. :) 

Some people really exist just to entertain other people. It is one of those things in life we all know, but aren't supposed to say out loud. 

I've always felt that a couple of guys who my wife didn't pick feel like she picked a loser to marry. 


And a couple of my ex-girlfriends have said very unkind things about my wife to me over the years. 

We've been together for 28 years. So I think it worked out well for *us*... 

And honestly - knowing my wife - the guys she rejected weren't a good match for her. One in particular, was a guy who thought he was in "all" ways superior to me. He thought he was a better person, more intellectual, physically superior - and he was smitten with my wife extra bad, and *never* understood her rejection of him, made worse by how devoted she became to me. 


I've always felt bad for the dude - I think it was a great disappointment to him that he had a lot of difficulty overcoming. 

But I don't think he ever realized it was as much she wasn't the one for HIM as it was that he wasn't the one for her. 

I got dumped in high school by a girl that I ended up pretty heartsick over for an extended time. Crossed paths with her on Facebook a few years back, she lives in Coronado, San Diego and has two great looking kids and looks super happy, so I think she did pretty well without me. 

People invest so much of their own value in the external choices other people make about them. I've always been good with people coming and going into my life. For a period of time, the match makes sense, later it doesn't. 

I'm not everyone's cup of tea - but sometimes people enjoy a couple sips of me before they decide they don't want to drink to the bottom of the cup. 

I'm my OWN cup of tea, though - and that is what matters most to me. If I am somebody else's cup of tea, that is good. If they decide I no longer am, that is OK, too.  If they find someone else for them that is the PERFECT cup of tea for them, good for them. I may not get why they prefer that particular cup of tea over my flavor - but... there may be a lot of subtle parts of the flavor that they like that I don't understand.