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[#] Fri Mar 12 2021 10:40:51 EST from darknetuser

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Hello, everybody.

I feel very weird this week. It turns out that some project I have kicked into motion has actually atracted some people who is interested.

At first I felt incredibly happy that I had managed to create something that somebody found valuable. By that I mean I felt I was having the best week I had in the last two years.

Then I realized the reason why I was so happy about it is because nobody ever gives a fucking damn about anything I do, or has since when I was born, so the experience of being socially accepted (even by the sort of nerds without social life the project attracts) was actually new to me.

I think this has highlighted how much of a broken person I am so I am having a bit of a backslash now.

[#] Tue Mar 16 2021 18:41:17 EDT from Nurb432

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When i went 'away; for college i kept in touch with no one. Big middle finger as i walked out.  I came back locally to finish up, and the 2 guys that i hung out with happened to also be locals so we have kept in touch ever since.  Funny, we were all born within a week of each other.

 

High school, only one person, unless you count the best friend's family i grew up as 'part of', and later married into ( and then divorced out of ). I sort of keep in touch with them.  Its spotty, and difficult at times.  



[#] Wed Mar 24 2021 16:09:43 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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You're doing this to yourself. It is because you're probably highly intelligent - and you can't shut down your train of thought like a simple, average person - and this is probably why you have difficulty connecting to people. They're too dumb for you. 

It is a frequent problem for people in the kind of circles we run around in - where we prefer to keep our social contacts distant and separated by a keyboard and monitor. 

Stop finding the cloud in every silver lining. 




Fri Mar 12 2021 10:40:51 EST from darknetuser
Hello, everybody.

I feel very weird this week. It turns out that some project I have kicked into motion has actually atracted some people who is interested.

At first I felt incredibly happy that I had managed to create something that somebody found valuable. By that I mean I felt I was having the best week I had in the last two years.

Then I realized the reason why I was so happy about it is because nobody ever gives a fucking damn about anything I do, or has since when I was born, so the experience of being socially accepted (even by the sort of nerds without social life the project attracts) was actually new to me.

I think this has highlighted how much of a broken person I am so I am having a bit of a backslash now.

 



[#] Thu Mar 25 2021 14:16:08 EDT from Nurb432

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Could not say it better.

Wed Mar 24 2021 16:09:43 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

You're doing this to yourself. It is because you're probably highly intelligent - and you can't shut down your train of thought like a simple, average person - and this is probably why you have difficulty connecting to people. They're too dumb for you. 

It is a frequent problem for people in the kind of circles we run around in - where we prefer to keep our social contacts distant and separated by a keyboard and monitor. 

Stop finding the cloud in every silver lining. 

 



[#] Mon Mar 29 2021 17:50:46 EDT from Nurb432

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Current wife one day  "your life must suck, you only see things one way, no colors in life just shades of grey and no reaction at all"  



[#] Mon Mar 29 2021 18:09:28 EDT from LoanShark

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^abusive language.

[#] Mon Mar 29 2021 18:35:18 EDT from darknetuser

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2021-03-29 18:09 from LoanShark

^abusive language.



I don't think that is abusive language as much as it is unsensitive language.


My friends used to tell me my life must suck because I meassure everytnig in terms of success and failure.

[#] Mon Mar 29 2021 19:15:24 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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I think it is one of our biggest problems in society today that frank, brutal and honest language is seen as "abusive". 

I DGAF about your feels - your feels are not as important as facts. Sorry if that hurts your feelings. I'm not being ABUSIVE to you - I'm being honest. Of course, we had that for 4 years, and half the WORLD lost their collective, fragile minds having to hear him not care about their feels on Twitter every day. 



Mon Mar 29 2021 18:35:18 EDT from darknetuser
2021-03-29 18:09 from LoanShark

^abusive language.



I don't think that is abusive language as much as it is unsensitive language.


My friends used to tell me my life must suck because I meassure everytnig in terms of success and failure.

 



[#] Tue Mar 30 2021 15:21:33 EDT from Nurb432

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I dont see it as that. I see it as an honest expression of what she thinks. 

 

Now "you suck because.. " sure, but that didnt happen.

Mon Mar 29 2021 18:09:28 EDT from LoanShark

^abusive language.

 



[#] Wed Mar 31 2021 10:41:24 EDT from LoanShark

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Quibble all day about whether it's abusive or merely bad, we were talking about something someone's wife apparently said (? I'm not clear on the context.) Most relationship councilor types would agree that's not a constructive way to express a point; avoid categorical language like "you always do X."

Simple, basic stuff that should be above politics/ideology. (That stuff belongs in the propaganda room.)

[#] Wed Mar 31 2021 14:10:55 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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Your position on this, and the response you're seeing against it, breaks *predictably* along lines of political ideology. 

It isn't "above politics". It is intrinsically linked to the foundations of political ideology that science has studied and confirmed multiple times in peer reviewed research. 


Asserting that it is "above politics/ideology" illustrates an inherent bias. "I want you to agree with this basic premise, and I'm going to browbeat you by claiming that it is of a higher moral ground than political ideology, shaming you if you disagree." 


This is a common technique of the intellectual dishonesty of the arguments of the Left spectrum.

"Relationship councilor types," are "social scientists" and social science is a *soft* science. Many people recognize this and understand that the social sciences are one of the most damaging studies of the sciences to the credibility overall of the scientific community - although again, *this* opinion also tends to break along lines of partisan political identity and ideology. 

How about simple, basic stuff like accept that when someone says, "You people," or "Your side," rational people understand the "rhetorical you" is being invoked and that the phrase isn't being used as an absolute, it isn't racist or xenophobic or sexist - and you people need to be less sensitive on topics like this. "Categorical language" is something people use every day with a common understanding and no one gets butthurt - except YOU people. Most of the opinions of the social sciences belong in the propaganda room. 

 

 

Wed Mar 31 2021 10:41:24 EDT from LoanShark

Quibble all day about whether it's abusive or merely bad, we were talking about something someone's wife apparently said (? I'm not clear on the context.) Most relationship councilor types would agree that's not a constructive way to express a point; avoid categorical language like "you always do X."

Simple, basic stuff that should be above politics/ideology. (That stuff belongs in the propaganda room.)

 



[#] Wed Mar 31 2021 17:25:55 EDT from Nurb432

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Well, this didnt go well.

 

:)



[#] Wed Mar 31 2021 23:51:09 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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The real question seems to be, which one of us constantly pours the gasoline, and who is the other that constantly strikes the match. ;) 

 

Wed Mar 31 2021 17:25:55 EDT from Nurb432

Well, this didnt go well.

 

:)



 



[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 11:12:45 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar

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I agree, forget about whether you can draw parallels to politics. You can draw parallels of just about everything to politics, and most of us have had more than we can take of that.

We're talking about a relationship here. We're talking about THE relationship that is most important in most people's lives. This is a context where you DO consider "teh feelz" because you CARE about the other person. So yes, you choose words and phrases that get the message across without hurting the other person's feelings. Your spouse/SO/partner/whatever isn't some random anon on the Internet who's going around looking to be offended. When you care about someone you don't trash talk them, not to their face, not behind their back.

I can't believe anyone would actually feel otherwise.

[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 13:14:56 EDT from LoanShark

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2021-03-31 14:10 from ParanoidDelusions
Your position on this, and the response you're seeing against it,
breaks *predictably* along lines of political ideology. 

It isn't "above politics". It is intrinsically linked to the
foundations of political ideology that science has studied and
confirmed multiple times in peer reviewed research. 


Asserting that it is "above politics/ideology" illustrates an
inherent bias. "I want you to agree with this basic premise, and I'm
going to browbeat you by claiming that it is of a higher moral ground
than political ideology, shaming you if you disagree." 


This is a common technique of the intellectual dishonesty of the
arguments of the Left spectrum.

"Relationship councilor types," are "social scientists" and social
science is a *soft* science. Many people recognize
this and
understand that the social sciences are one of the most damaging
studies of the sciences to the credibility overall of the scientific
community - although again, *this* opinion also tends to break along
lines of partisan political identity and ideology. 

How about simple, basic stuff like accept that when someone says,
"You people," or "Your side," rational people understand the
"rhetorical you" is being invoked and that the phrase isn't being
used as an absolute, it isn't racist or xenophobic or sexist - and
you people need to be less sensitive on topics like this.
"Categorical language" is something people use every day with a
common understanding and no one gets butthurt - except YOU people.
Most of the opinions of the social sciences belong in the propaganda
room. 

 

 
Wed Mar 31 2021 10:41:24
EDT from LoanShark


Quibble all day about whether it's abusive or merely bad, we were
talking about something someone's wife apparently said (? I'm not
clear on the context.) Most relationship councilor types would agree
that's not a constructive way to express a point; avoid categorical
language like "you always do X."

Simple, basic stuff that should be above politics/ideology. (That
stuff belongs in the propaganda room.)







 


Go away, PD.

[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 13:49:23 EDT from Nurb432

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Normally, i just bring the popcorn. 

Wed Mar 31 2021 23:51:09 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

The real question seems to be, which one of us constantly pours the gasoline, and who is the other that constantly strikes the match. ;) 

 

Wed Mar 31 2021 17:25:55 EDT from Nurb432

Well, this didnt go well.

 

:)



 



 



[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 15:23:11 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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Here is the problem - and it is always the problem. You're projecting your emotions, the dynamics and norms of YOUR relationship, as an absolute, as a standard. You are going, "I wouldn't like that, it would hurt my feelings, and my significant other wouldn't like that, it would hurt her feelings." 

Which is fine, on a personal level. 

When you tell someone else who is experiencing this, "that is abusive," this is where problems arise. "That would feel abusive to me..." is entirely different than "that is abusive." 

The first one sets personal boundaries. The second one tries to extend your personal boundaries to OTHER people in their own personal lives separate from yours. That is where the political lines get drawn. Because one side is better at "I don't like this thing, but if it floats your boat, it is none of my business," than the other. The other side tends to go, "I don't like this thing so much that not only do I not do it, but it offends me when YOU do it, too, even if I just *know* you're doing it..." 

Thu Apr 01 2021 11:12:45 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar

I agree, forget about whether you can draw parallels to politics. You can draw parallels of just about everything to politics, and most of us have had more than we can take of that.

We're talking about a relationship here. We're talking about THE relationship that is most important in most people's lives. This is a context where you DO consider "teh feelz" because you CARE about the other person. So yes, you choose words and phrases that get the message across without hurting the other person's feelings. Your spouse/SO/partner/whatever isn't some random anon on the Internet who's going around looking to be offended. When you care about someone you don't trash talk them, not to their face, not behind their back.

I can't believe anyone would actually feel otherwise.

 



[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 15:24:37 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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Might I suggest marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers might be a more appropriate and interactive snack? :D 

 

Thu Apr 01 2021 13:49:23 EDT from Nurb432

Normally, i just bring the popcorn. 

Wed Mar 31 2021 23:51:09 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

The real question seems to be, which one of us constantly pours the gasoline, and who is the other that constantly strikes the match. ;) 

 

Wed Mar 31 2021 17:25:55 EDT from Nurb432

Well, this didnt go well.

 

:)



 



 



 



[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 15:51:00 EDT from LoanShark

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Much of what I'm hearing here is not relevant to the topic at hand, and to get it back on track, I would ignore the digressions, jump back to an earlier point, and say:

1) Yes, don't cut yourself down. Don't ever sell yourself short; don't belittle yourself.
2) Don't let anyone else cut you down either.

I'm hearing some stuff about "autists" and "geeks" or whatever. We've all had our socially-inept moments, and it can be hard to separate the need to accept constructive criticism from the need to push back against overly-aggressive or non-constructive critism or bullying. But it's necessary.


A little self-acceptance (even if it stems from "fitting into a niche") goes a long way.

[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 16:10:04 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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We have also been using Reese's Cups with our marshmallows. The problem tends to be if you're doing s'mores, it is cold, and the heat from the Marshmallow isn't enough to really get a good melt of the Reese's... which is ironic, being that Reese's tend to be a lower meltpoint chocolate than a Hershey's bar. 

 

 



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