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[#] Mon Sep 23 2013 12:58:11 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar

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He came up with this himself. It's much cuter as performance art.

Hey, it's a lot more funny than the filthy jokes I have to tolerate all day at work.

[#] Fri Oct 11 2013 02:02:56 EDT from Animal

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My girlfriend says that a small penis won't affect our relationship.
Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all.

[#] Fri Oct 11 2013 17:13:34 EDT from fleeb

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Hm... that's not a joke I could tell credibly.

[#] Sat Oct 12 2013 14:49:35 EDT from triLcat

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30 points to fleeb  


[#] Tue Oct 15 2013 21:19:56 EDT from zooer

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Question: How many Obamacare programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: NONE. Obama simply declares darkness to be a new "energy-saving feature" of green living.

[#] Wed Oct 16 2013 12:28:44 EDT from vince-q

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Question: What is the difference between the Titanic and Bill Clinton?

Answer: Only 109 women went down on the Titanic.

[#] Sat Oct 26 2013 15:35:21 EDT from vince-q

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Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined to be Bush's fault.

[#] Sat Oct 26 2013 17:47:20 EDT from Sig

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Nice twist on an old joke/story.

[#] Sat Oct 26 2013 17:49:55 EDT from Ahff Rowe

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I think I first saw that story in the late 90s.

I wonder if they'll still be re-telling it in 100 years.

[#] Sun Oct 27 2013 15:38:39 EDT from zooer

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They will still be blaming Bush in 100 years, but then again there are things to blame him for,

[#] Sun Oct 27 2013 18:22:44 EDT from vince-q

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Oct 27 2013 3:38pm from zooer @uncnsrd
They will still be blaming Bush in 100 years, but then again there are things
to blame him for,

My buddy got drunk the other night. It was Busch's fault.
Oooops... wrong Busch.... ;)

[#] Wed Nov 06 2013 14:51:53 EST from IGnatius T Foobar

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Bush and Obama walk into a bar...

[#] Fri Nov 08 2013 10:44:58 EST from IGnatius T Foobar

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"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"9/11 wh --"

[#] Fri Nov 08 2013 11:11:21 EST from zooer

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[#] Fri Nov 08 2013 11:32:23 EST from Sig

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That was actually damned funny.

[#] Thu Nov 14 2013 16:40:06 EST from fleeb

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The zombified toller was a dead ringer for Quasimodo.

[#] Mon Dec 02 2013 16:11:16 EST from Freakdog <>

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And now, a little Jewish humor:


A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She says to the clerk "May I have 50 Chanukah stamps please."

"What denomination?" says the clerk.

The woman says "Oy vey ... my God, has it come to this?   Okay, give me six orthodox, twelve conservative and thirty-two reform!"


Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English as a Second Language class.   He was asked to spell "cultivate," and he spelled it correctly.

He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile, responded: "Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home."


Moishe Goldberg was heading out of the Synagogue one day, and as always Rabbi Mendel was standing at the door, shaking hands as the Congregation departed.

The rabbi grabbed Moishe by the hand, pulled him aside and whispered these words at him: "You need to join the Army of God!"

Moishe replied: "I'm already in the Army of God, Rabbi."

The rabbi questioned: "Then how come I don't see you except for RoshHashanah and Yom Kippur?"

Moishe whispered back: "I'm in the secret service."


A Rabbi approaches a guest in Shul and says, "I'd like to give you an Aliyah. What is your name?"

The man answers, "Esther ben Moshe."

The Rabbi says, "No, I need YOUR name."

"It's Esther ben Moshe," the man says.

"How can that be your name?" asks theRabbi.

The man answers, "I've been having financial problems, so now, everything is in my wife's name."


Two little old ladies were attending a rather long Shul service.

One leaned over and whispered, "My tuchas is going to sleep."

"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times."

[#] Tue Dec 24 2013 11:40:39 EST from IGnatius T Foobar

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Q: what kind of beer do they drink at the NSA?

A: Keystroke Lager.

[#] Mon Apr 28 2014 22:34:33 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar

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I've posted this one before, but a few folks who have arrived here since the last time would appreciate it. so...

A communist, a terrorist, and an illegal alien walk into a bar.

And the bartender says ... "oh, hello Mr. Obama"

[#] Fri Jun 13 2014 16:34:26 EDT from fleeb

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I knew someone who didn't believe in fig newtons.

He'd hold one in his hand, and say, "Fig, you're of my imagination."

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