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[#] Mon Sep 24 2012 13:36:48 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

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Overheard today:

Q: How many union laborers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The ENTIRE crew! And they all get time and a half for it!

[#] Sat Oct 27 2012 23:07:17 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

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Q: what do Hurricane Sandy and and Snooki have in common?

A: they are both headed to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.


[#] Mon Oct 29 2012 12:32:45 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored

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Ouch...

[#] Tue Mar 19 2013 23:27:43 EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

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Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?

 

A: Only 600 women went down on the Titanic.....



[#] Wed Mar 20 2013 09:32:20 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored

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Oof.

[#] Sat Apr 06 2013 07:57:40 EDT from Ladyhawke @ Uncensored

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The latest spin on "when I was a kid, I had to walk 10 miles to school each way, barefoot, in the snow, with no coat!".


"When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up.  And I remember promising myself that when I had my own kids, I certainly wasn't going to lay a bunch of ridiculous exaggerations on my kids like my parents did.

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.  And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

14) Car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd"



[#] Tue Apr 09 2013 00:32:49 EDT from ax25 @ Uncensored

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13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores0!

Ladyhawke, as another "over 40", I agree with you on #13.  I feel that this is the greatest loss of being a child now.  My wife and I told my son of "snow day" stories and he recently took them to heart.  He had never experienced a snow day up to this last winter, and when it happened, he took full advantage of it.  I dug out and headed off for work.  My son repeated a phrase to my wife that he must have heard from either us, or a Calvin and Hobbes.  He said "I will be back after the street lights kick on" - or something like that.

Of course she thought he would be back by lunch or something like that.  Well, lunch comes and goes... Frantic searches happen.  Footprints are found in evidence of where he said he would be, but he is nowhere to be found.  It turns out that later we found him (hours later).  He is found sitting at the front porch of a friend, with a new friend.  The new friend has a giant super soaker squirt gun - (not sure what possessed him to bring that out on the day off from school during a snowstorm day off, but I like his thinking).  They say that they had spent most of the morning tromping around trying to find other friends to join in the glorious exploit of the rare occasion.  In seeing that he was well in control (and after checking up on the pedigree of the super soaker toting lad, we send him on his way).  He did make it back before the street lights started to come on (if only barely).  I am afraid I am a part of the too scared to let them be a child people by chasing after him on what would seem to him to be a day of reckless abandon.



[#] Tue Apr 09 2013 00:41:14 EDT from ax25 @ Uncensored

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Sorry, jokes.  Well, uh...  Sorry, I am too p.c. to post one.  I will try later.



[#] Tue Apr 09 2013 11:41:37 EDT from Ladyhawke @ Uncensored

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Times have surely changed....



[#] Thu Apr 11 2013 21:01:37 EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

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"Times have truly changed."

Yes, they have. And I constantly find myself wondering if that's been for the better - and answering "no" to myself all too frequently.


[#] Fri Apr 12 2013 00:01:55 EDT from ax25 @ Uncensored

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Thu Apr 11 2013 09:01:37 PM EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

"Times have truly changed."

Yes, they have. And I constantly find myself wondering if that's been for the better - and answering "no" to myself all too frequently.

Not only have times changed, but with the more structured nature of things, it has grown much more lonely.
Don't shun the awkward among us (or worse yet, cap thoughts just because you don't have time to listen - or think that strict politeness should rule).
We have become less thoughtful in our thoughtfulness.

Ha, we did all have a laugh, so it fits in the jokes room (sorry).

 


[#] Sat May 25 2013 22:16:12 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

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True. I don't know if it's just an aversion to change that everyone gets when they get older, but today we were talking about how people used to *get together* ... card games, bowling, whatever. There's not as much of that now that we're all online.

[#] Sun May 26 2013 20:32:49 EDT from zooer @ Uncensored

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I'll hang out with you if you really want a friend in real life.

[#] Mon May 27 2013 04:34:20 EDT from triLcat @ Uncensored

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A grasshopper hops into a bar.

The bartender says: Hey, we have a drink named after you!

The grasshopper says: Really? Who'd want a drink named Murray?



[#] Wed Jun 26 2013 23:01:30 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

Subject: Heisenberg and Schrodinger

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Heisenberg and Schrodinger are on a road trip, when a cop pulls them over. The officer walks up and asks if they know how fast they’re going. Heisenberg replies that they do not, but know with high precision where they are. The cop thinks that’s weird, and begins to search the vehicle. He opens the trunk and asks, “did you know you’ve got a dead cat in the trunk?” Schrodinger says, “well, *now* we do.”



[#] Sun Jul 14 2013 04:05:10 EDT from StarfireHypervixen @ Uncensored

Subject: Re: Heisenberg and Schrodinger

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Best joke ever (possibly)



[#] Wed Jul 17 2013 09:13:12 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

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Q: What's green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A: A pool table.

[#] Thu Jul 18 2013 00:34:44 EDT from Sig @ Uncensored

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Reminiscent of my wife's favorite joke:

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

I married her anyway.

[#] Thu Jul 18 2013 12:57:46 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

[#] Thu Jul 18 2013 16:37:56 EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

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What's blind, sings, and only moves backwards?

Stevie Lunger....

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