* Piss off everyone in the world, to the point where you get on every
watch list there is
* Harass the authorities, to the point where you automatically get a
body cavity search every time

Thu May 14 2015 09:43:32 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar

(Adjust as needed for the fact that the word "hoagie" is unknown outside eastern Pennsylvania and southern New Jersey.)

(Go ahead, incite the flame war over what a large sandwich is properly called...)

My dad used to tell me that the hoagie was invented when folks were selling sandwiches to the workers around the naval yard south of Philadelphia after the Depression. I was also told that they were called Hoggies for this reason.

Subs and Grinders are terms coined elsewhere and seemingly more appropriate being a Jersey guy myself. A hoagie is prepared on a soft roll and served cold where as Grinders seem to always be hot and subs are a clever imposter of the hoagie. It is fun to travel and see other state's versions of this iconic sandwich. Even within Jersey itself, imposters can be found in shore towns and gas stations all over but I have never found a bigger imposter than in West Virginia. I am sure it was simply a comedy of errors that contributed to it's heightened level of horror that Elvira herself would've been sure to advertise on Saturday nights. Most certainly not a hoagie.

I can say that one of the best (and worse) spin-offs hails from Cleveland Ohio at a place called "Mr. Hero". This had a half stale soft roll with minimal amount of ingredients, lots of Mayo and fried Bologna. Interesting drunk food for sure! Again, not a hoagie.

Also found in New Jersey is a terrible place claiming to hoagies called "Mr. Sub". Unless you are in college, drunk or under the influence of a mind altering substance, surly you can up your experience by buying a sandwich in a vending machine or the next available Wawa and skip this terrible choice..

It is getting cold, when are we going to get invited over for steak sandwiches?

Ask for a sub, they will make it well.

No no no, if you have a grinder on hand, you're probably getting ready to make a hamburger...

I don't like chopped liver.  I don't like un-chopped liver.  I don't even like my own liver (it manufactures too much cholesterol so I have to keep busting it with statins).