Language:
switch to room list switch to menu My folders
Go to page: 1 2 3 [4] 5
[#] Mon Oct 20 2014 10:33:59 EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

"Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate, hurricanes to swirl around and no one teaches a man how to choose a wife. Natural disasters just happen."

[#] Thu Oct 23 2014 22:08:09 EDT from zooer @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

In the comment section from the story of the NY city doctor who most likely has Ebola:

Obama's plan for Shovel-Ready Jobs:
Digging graves for Ebola victims.

[#] Mon Oct 27 2014 11:52:25 EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

The husband has just read a book titled "I am the Master of the Home." He
put the book down, stormed into the kitchen, and said to his wife, "From
today on I am absolute master here and my word is law. Tonight you will
prepare a gourmet supper for me and then serve an exquisite dessert. Then
we'll go into the bedroom and have sex the way I like it. After that you'll
draw me a bath and you'll wash my back and my hair. When I step out of the
tub, you'll dry me off and then massage my hands and feet. And guess who's
going to dress me and comb my hair tomorrow."

[#] Mon Oct 27 2014 11:54:16 EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

Please ignore previous message!

The husband has just read a book titled "I am the Master of the Home." He
put the book down, stormed into the kitchen, and said to his wife, "From
today on I am absolute master here and my word is law. Tonight you will
prepare a gourmet supper for me and then serve an exquisite dessert. Then
we'll go into the bedroom and have sex the way I like it. After that you'll
draw me a bath and you'll wash my back and my hair. When I step out of the
tub, you'll dry me off and then massage my hands and feet. And guess who's
going to dress me and comb my hair tomorrow."

Wife says, "An employee of the funeral parlor?"

[#] Mon Oct 27 2014 12:58:39 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]


I rather liked the suspense built into the first version.

[#] Mon Nov 17 2014 21:55:08 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

Subject: The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in San Francisco, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I'ma gonna go picka her up!"



[#] Tue Nov 18 2014 12:43:45 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

Subject: Your Ticket, Please...

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

An exhibitionist had booked an a flight from New York to London on British Air. At the departure lounge, the man stood nervously near the boarding gate, waiting for the flight to be called. When the PA announcement was finally made, he walked briskly up the jetway. At the end of the jetway stood a stewardess, collecting tickets. When it was his turn to hand over his ticket, he opened his coat and exposed himself.

With typical British reserve the stewardess said, "I'm sorry sir, but you
must to show your ticket and boarding pass here, not your stub."



[#] Fri Nov 21 2014 20:10:07 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

Subject: Grandma's 100th Birthday Party

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

The family wheeled Grandma out onto the lawn, in her Wheelchair, where the
activities for her 100th birthday Were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak
very well, But she would write notes when she needed to communicate.


After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started Leaning off to the
right, so some family members grabbed Her, straightened her up, and stuffed
pillows on her Right. A short time later, she started leaning off to Her
left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed Pillows on her left. Soon
she started leaning forward, So the family members again grabbed her, and
then tied a Pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A grandson who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, 'Hi, Grandma,
you're looking good! How are they treating You?'

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a Note to the
grandson.......

'Bastards won't let me fart.'



[#] Thu Nov 27 2014 10:23:32 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

The African chieftain was so religious that when he ascended to power, he forbade the killing of animals.

Not long thereafter, the lion and cheetah population began to get out of hand, and, starving in the wilds, they began
feeding on humans. Before long, even the antelope and zebra were so plentiful that they began nibbling on natives.

The terrified populace petitioned their leader to rescind his edict, but he refused: thus, they had no choice but to
overthrow the chief.

Not only was the revolt successful, It was the first time in history that  a reign was called on account of game.



[#] Thu Nov 27 2014 10:34:21 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration will require rearview
cameras in new vehicles. That way people will just have to glance over at a
screen to backup instead of turning all the way around and losing their place
on what they are texting.



[#] Thu Dec 11 2014 09:50:25 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

One day a five year old girl excitedly approached her mother and announced
that she had learned where babies come from.

The mother was amused and said "Oh really sweetie, why don't you tell me all
about it?"

The little girl then explained, "Well, the mommy and daddy take off all of
their clothes, and the daddy's wiener stands way up high, and the mommy
kneels on the floor and puts the daddy's wiener in her mouth, and then the
daddy's wiener sort of explodes and makes sticky juice into the mommy's
mouth, and then the mommy swallows the sticky juice, and that's where babies
come from."

The mother looked lovingly at her daughter, leaned over to meet her eye to
eye and said, "Oh honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from.
That's where jewelry comes from."



[#] Thu Dec 25 2014 10:04:07 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

Subject: Christmas Dinner

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

 



[#] Thu Dec 25 2014 12:01:24 EST from zooer @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

About 20 or so years we got one of our friends a love doll for his birthday. I am sure things have improved
since then but this was at the lower end of the scale as well. We were at a quiet bar, guys were drinking and
doing all sorts of obnoxious stuff to this poor piece of plastic. Thankfully there were no cameras and it was
mostly NC17, stupid drinking guy stuff. Later in the night on of the guys grabbed her, and shoved his
fingers into an orifice... suddenly he had a look of horror and disgust on his face, I think he wanted to cry.
He cried out, "Oh god, why is it wet inside?" Which to those who saw all this was very funny. Earlier in the
evening she was assaulted with beer bottles.

Although he wasn't the birthday boy the look on his face made the purchase price worth it.

[#] Fri Dec 26 2014 12:14:03 EST from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

The inflatable doll civil liberties organization would like to have a word with you.

[#] Mon Dec 29 2014 13:35:44 EST from vince-q @ Uncensored

Subject: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for
Christmas.

"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought
her a belt and a bag."

"That was very kind of you," Jim added, "I hope she appreciated the
thought."

Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will
work better now."



[#] Thu Mar 19 2015 08:27:16 EDT from fleeb @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]


I rather like some of those.

[#] Tue May 26 2015 14:07:26 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

Mama Vulture had a problem. Her beloved chick was constantly breaking her heart; getting into trouble. He would stray from the nest, fall in with a bad crowd of other avian ne'er-do-wells, and frequently need to be rescued by his mother, sometimes at great risk to herself. Her only pleasure in life was gathering food to nourish him. He was defiant and unappreciative of her efforts, often squawking and demanding, "Hey, you old buzzard! I'm starving! What's for supper?" To which she would dutifully reply...

"Carrion, my wayward son."



[#] Tue May 26 2015 14:12:05 EDT from vince-q @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

... IG - do you realize just how much your joke resembled a Peter Gabriel "before a song" story? No, you didn't copy it from one of those - it just completely had "that flavor."

Instead of "Carrion..." substitute "Supper's ready!" and you'll have it!

[#] Sun Jul 19 2015 00:44:13 EDT from ax25 @ Uncensored

[Reply] [ReplyQuoted] [Headers] [Print]

Wrong room for me to continue this, but thanks Vince.  I did some citadel drift and re-found Kate Bush and the 2014 BBC documentary.  Great fun to watch.



Go to page: 1 2 3 [4] 5