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[#] Thu Apr 01 2021 17:33:38 EDT from Nurb432

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Well, i never said it was already popped.... 

Thu Apr 01 2021 15:24:37 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

Might I suggest marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers might be a more appropriate and interactive snack? :D 

 

 


[#] Sun Apr 04 2021 18:36:00 EDT from darknetuser

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We're talking about a relationship here. We're talking about THE

relationship that is most important in most people's lives. This is a


To be honest, people is so bad at picking and carrying out these sorts of relationships that I am not eager to get in one myself.

I keep hearing how great they are, but most people I know IRL who get into it end up badly burned by it.

People are egotistical bastards who deserve to die and most likely don't care that much for your feelings. Being married makes no difference. Obviously, if the egotistical bastard you chose for yourself makes you feel bad, you need to find another egotistical bastard.

In all honesty, the ones that say some hard truths to your face are much, much much better than the ones that only tell you what you wanna hear and then stab you in the back as soon as you turn the other way. Some people are very good at it and will get people to trust them after it is proven he stabbed them in the back. Motherfuckers.

There is a saying in my language that translates to English as (closely) "The one who loves you the most is gonna make you cry." The reason is that people who loves you is going to care if you do something stupid, and is not going to be afraid to grab you and shake you and tell you to stop being stupid.


It is the ones that will smile at you and tell you you are doing a great job when you juggle nitroglycerin you have to be extremely concerned about.

[#] Tue Apr 06 2021 14:04:47 EDT from Nurb432

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Often times people dont pay attention and think with their crotch, not their brain. 

Others use their brain, but dont realize their brain is screwed up. 

 

Sun Apr 04 2021 18:36:00 EDT from darknetuser
We're talking about a relationship here. We're talking about THE

relationship that is most important in most people's lives. This is a


To be honest, people is so bad at picking and carrying out these sorts of relationships that I am not eager to get in one myself.

I keep hearing how great they are, but most people I know IRL who get into it end up badly burned by it.

People are egotistical bastards who deserve to die and most likely don't care that much for your feelings. Being married makes no difference. Obviously, if the egotistical bastard you chose for yourself makes you feel bad, you need to find another egotistical bastard.

In all honesty, the ones that say some hard truths to your face are much, much much better than the ones that only tell you what you wanna hear and then stab you in the back as soon as you turn the other way. Some people are very good at it and will get people to trust them after it is proven he stabbed them in the back. Motherfuckers.

There is a saying in my language that translates to English as (closely) "The one who loves you the most is gonna make you cry." The reason is that people who loves you is going to care if you do something stupid, and is not going to be afraid to grab you and shake you and tell you to stop being stupid.


It is the ones that will smile at you and tell you you are doing a great job when you juggle nitroglycerin you have to be extremely concerned about.

 



[#] Wed Apr 07 2021 00:35:52 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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I got married at 24, to a 19 year old. 

We've been married 27 years now. Been together for about 28.5. 

Many people over the years have said things to the effect of, "I don't know how you do it, I couldn't put up with that..." 

I tell them, "I need someone who keeps me on a short leash." 

Nocse Te Ipsum. It isn't for other people to judge the dynamic of my relationship with my wife. There is *never* a time when I don't want to be hanging out with her, and usually, I'd rather hang out with her by myself than in any particular group. 

My Nephew told me once that his relationship with his (ex) wife was turning into best friends, and he hated that. I told him, "That is what you want... but, you've got to be able to bridge having her be your best friend and *still* wanting to f*ck." 

A couple of times in the past few years, I've been sitting in my car, and a woman has walked by out of the corner of my eye, and I instantly drew down on that form - thinking, "Oh yeah, that is EXACTLY my type..." 

Only to be amused when it turned out to be my wife walking back to the car, or out of the door of the place of business. 

In return, people ask her all the time how she can be with me, how she can put up with my arrested development and irreverent, laid back, nonplused attitude. 

She tells people she would be a neurotic mess without me telling her to calm down, relax, enjoy life, stop worrying - that things are going to happen and the tighter you try and control those things, the LESS likely you are to get the outcome you were desiring. 

We're complete opposites in many, many ways. But we're very alike too. And where we are opposite, those oppositions generally bring balance to the other person. 

The trick about thinking with your dick or thinking with your brain in finding a partner is - you need to balance THAT, too. Too little of one or the other - and it'll never work. People tend to overlook one or the other and focus solely on whichever one is most important to them. I started screwing around in 7th grade, was fully active by 8th grade, and had a reputation for "dating" the prettiest girls on campus - and not really caring about their personalities. At that age, it was true. I wasn't looking for my one true love - I was test driving all the models available while figuring out my own place on the road. By my early 20s, I was getting sick of all that - and observing how the guys and girls who didn't give that lifestyle up were living by their mid and late 30s. It looked miserable. About that time, my wife came along. I didn't KNOW it at first, really. She claims she did. But my mom told me, "If you let this one get away, you're a ****ing idiot." So... I started paying attention. 

I believe my mom was right. 

 



[#] Wed Apr 07 2021 14:42:52 EDT from Nurb432

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My first. me 25, her 18. 

Problem is we grew up together, so we learned to ignore ( and in our case, totally mis-understand ) each others "shortcomings" over the years. Unfortunately some were severe mental illness that was not conquerable, that only got worse over time. From what i gather, even afterwards she had many 'dark days' to suffer thru on her own.

Was not from a lack of trying.

 

 

Wed Apr 07 2021 00:35:52 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

I got married at 24, to a 19 year old. 

 



[#] Thu Apr 08 2021 13:33:20 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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To be fair, marriage was a one shot thing for me. If it didn't work out right the first time, I do not think I would have tried again. 

 

Wed Apr 07 2021 14:42:52 EDT from Nurb432

My first. me 25, her 18. 

Problem is we grew up together, so we learned to ignore ( and in our case, totally mis-understand ) each others "shortcomings" over the years. Unfortunately some were severe mental illness that was not conquerable, that only got worse over time. From what i gather, even afterwards she had many 'dark days' to suffer thru on her own.

Was not from a lack of trying.

 

 

Wed Apr 07 2021 00:35:52 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

I got married at 24, to a 19 year old. 

 



 



[#] Thu Apr 08 2021 14:40:40 EDT from Nurb432

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I did several years later. ( going on 20+ years now )

But i would have done #1 again, without thinking twice and knowing the turmoil it would bring.   Sort of did in a way, she got 'better' and returned home a couple of years later.  But then things started getting sideways in her head again, and drifted away ( never said i was smart :) )

Thu Apr 08 2021 13:33:20 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

To be fair, marriage was a one shot thing for me. If it didn't work out right the first time, I do not think I would have tried again. 

 

Wed Apr 07 2021 14:42:52 EDT from Nurb432

My first. me 25, her 18. 

Problem is we grew up together, so we learned to ignore ( and in our case, totally mis-understand ) each others "shortcomings" over the years. Unfortunately some were severe mental illness that was not conquerable, that only got worse over time. From what i gather, even afterwards she had many 'dark days' to suffer thru on her own.

Was not from a lack of trying.

 

 

Wed Apr 07 2021 00:35:52 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

I got married at 24, to a 19 year old. 

 



 



 



[#] Fri Apr 09 2021 10:32:55 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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I'm like a woman about relationships. Done is done. When I was single, and I'd get nostalgic for "how things were," I was really good at reminding myself of "why things that were, weren't anymore." 

When I hit about 45 - a bunch of my high school sweethearts started showing up on Facebook - quite a few of them telling me in private messages how unhappy they were in their current relationships, how they had regrets about our relationship, a couple of them were just straight out blunt. 

In all cases, I would have considered any move a downgrade...  I tried to be gentle... "You know, this is just a mid-life thing - where you start wondering what would have been... everyone goes through it. I did, it passes..." 

There is truth to that. A lot of it is just "glory daying".

"When we were in our early 20's... we owned the world... it was party-rocking all week long!" 

Sure. But I'm 45 now. Also - I quit that lifestyle for a number of reasons - the least of which wasn't that ultimately it isn't fulfilling and is a bad look on someone over 25. 





Thu Apr 08 2021 14:40:40 EDT from Nurb432

I did several years later. ( going on 20+ years now )

But i would have done #1 again, without thinking twice and knowing the turmoil it would bring.   Sort of did in a way, she got 'better' and returned home a couple of years later.  But then things started getting sideways in her head again, and drifted away ( never said i was smart :) )

Thu Apr 08 2021 13:33:20 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

To be fair, marriage was a one shot thing for me. If it didn't work out right the first time, I do not think I would have tried again. 

 

Wed Apr 07 2021 14:42:52 EDT from Nurb432

My first. me 25, her 18. 

Problem is we grew up together, so we learned to ignore ( and in our case, totally mis-understand ) each others "shortcomings" over the years. Unfortunately some were severe mental illness that was not conquerable, that only got worse over time. From what i gather, even afterwards she had many 'dark days' to suffer thru on her own.

Was not from a lack of trying.

 

 

Wed Apr 07 2021 00:35:52 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

I got married at 24, to a 19 year old. 

 



 



 



 



[#] Fri Apr 09 2021 13:46:02 EDT from Nurb432

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Most i know, are not like that. They do believe in 2nd chances. 

Fri Apr 09 2021 10:32:55 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

I'm like a woman about relationships. Done is done. 



[#] Mon Apr 12 2021 14:49:39 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar

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Sure. But I'm 45 now. Also - I quit that lifestyle for a number of
reasons - the least of which wasn't that ultimately it isn't
fulfilling and is a bad look on someone over 25. 

"Party like it's 1999"

My sister has been doing that for decades. She was 25 in 1999. And you're absolutely right -- it's not a good look at all. The worst part of it all is -- the Facebook lifestyle has made it permanent for her.

I suspect this is the case for a lot of people: Facebook turned a lot of people into lifetime twentysomethings, just like AOL brought Eternal September to the Internet.

They are shallow, vapid, uninteresting, and often intolerable. And now there are millions of them.

[#] Mon Apr 12 2021 17:48:40 EDT from Nurb432

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Nah, they were always there. Just waiting for a supportive outlet. 

Mon Apr 12 2021 14:49:39 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar
They are shallow, vapid, uninteresting, and often intolerable. And now there are millions of them.

 



[#] Tue Apr 13 2021 02:24:00 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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No... I think Ig is right on this one. Something changed culturally - and a big part of it was the facade of Facebook. 

I used to freely admit that my Facebook feed was carefully curated to show the BEST highlights of my life, with all the mundane, trivial, or unpleasant fodder removed - almost solely to make people I hadn't seen since High School feel less successful about their lives. If I were living in a tent by the river - I'd make it LOOK like the most idyllic, rewarding lifestyle possible on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram. 

Mercedes of Sacramento used to have a terrible slogan in the early 90s for their used car lot... "Perception is more important than reality." 

I hated it. But I knew they weren't wrong. 

And the whole Party Rock mentality that arose in the early 2000's is just an extension of that. "I'm always out clubbing, in the VP line, drinking top shelf liquor on a Wednesday with the best looking people, spending obscene amounts of money and meeting celebrities." 


Everyone is living the life of a rap-star. 

Maybe they were always there. They've now been given *connectivity* and a broadcast platform. 

But yeah... My sisters and my brother were born in the 50s, grew up in the 60s, became young adults in the 70s. They were still doing the same high-school bullshit with the same circle of friends in the 90s as I was becoming a young adult... and I saw I didn't want to be the next cycle of that circle. It was the same drama... the same circle of once popular kids sleeping with one another and endlessly reliving their glory days. 


I mean... my Nephew is my age, almost my brother - and when we sit around and drink, we certainly love to retell the exploits of our high school and early young adult single days. It is fun to talk about when you were young and had the world by the balls. But we both LEFT it behind and sought things personally more rewarding. But my friends who stayed in the city I grew up in - they're still doing the same things, with the same people - exactly like I thought they would - and they're still stuck in their heads in their High School and early college days. 

I was talking to my wife about it recently... in relation of all things to how Gwen Stefani really glorified her high school days in her music. I said, "I think Gwen Stefani considers high school her peak and would go back in a minute." 


My wife, who had a more mainstream high school experience said, "She has won multiple grammies and is a multi millionaire, I don't think she would go back." 

My *nephew* totally gets it though. He doesn't hesitate a minute if you ask him, "Hell yeah I'd go back. In a second." 

I think it comes back to this... Gwen Stefani as an ADULT had some fleeting idolization by fans who were mostly 12 year old girls - but as a teen, she was probably ROYALTY of a sort in her high school even by peers older than her - maybe even by staff and faculty, idolized and adored by all. High school popularity is a drug money can't buy. I think it is easy to get into a circle and try and deny that this disappears in a sort of group psychosis as you age beyond this. Probably the next best thing is to become a made man in a genuine criminal organization. Same kind of thing. Everyone outside of the clique or circle doesn't matter - but they all know who YOU are and treat you with deference. 

I mean, I think most of us, feeling threatened by a huge celebrity, would tell them to get bent and that if they screw around we'll see them in court. I wouldn't take shit from George Clooney or Brad Pitt. 

But - if the person you're having an issue with is a Gotti and you know it... you're going to be like, "Listen, I'm truly sorry... I didn't know who you were, I spoke out of turn - I hope we can forget this, please?" 

Because Brad Pitt probably isn't going to bury you in a shallow grave in the woods covered with lye. 

And social media gives people a kind of similar power - the ability to "cancel" you. To make you a pariah in all the social circles that "matter". 

Facebook actually *is* just a surrogate high school for adults - 24x7x365. That is why teens avoid it. It *itself* is uncool. 

But it is all that adults have to hang on to. 


 

Mon Apr 12 2021 17:48:40 EDT from Nurb432

Nah, they were always there. Just waiting for a supportive outlet. 

Mon Apr 12 2021 14:49:39 EDT from IGnatius T Foobar
They are shallow, vapid, uninteresting, and often intolerable. And now there are millions of them.

 



 



[#] Tue Apr 13 2021 07:39:48 EDT from Nurb432

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All i know is my entire life, i have seen them. They were there.  Just had no outlet. If they tried, they were beat down. Now they are supported, and can be out in the light ( so to speak )

At least around here until 'recently', society would maintain order and conformity.  Conform, or you end up in tiny circles.  Now, not so much.

 



[#] Tue Apr 13 2021 15:37:00 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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I agree with this too. In the past you got beat down, you learned to conform and fake it, or you became so marginalized, you didn't matter. 

Now we're so focused on those marginal people - and they're able to communicate and organize, and instead of them figuring out how to adjust to society, we keep telling society that it needs to change for them. 

I understand the complaints about how the old way of doing things treated them, the unfairness and the lack of sympathy for their challenges. But I'm not sure this new strategy is working out all that well for anyone, either. 

Tue Apr 13 2021 07:39:48 EDT from Nurb432

All i know is my entire life, i have seen them. They were there.  Just had no outlet. If they tried, they were beat down. Now they are supported, and can be out in the light ( so to speak )

At least around here until 'recently', society would maintain order and conformity.  Conform, or you end up in tiny circles.  Now, not so much.

 



 



[#] Tue Apr 13 2021 16:54:15 EDT from Nurb432

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 That is my line too ( and what i mean by in the face ).  Acceptance that they are different, and dont treat them poorly due to being them different.  But accommodation? No more than they should accommodate me.



[#] Wed Apr 14 2021 11:09:45 EDT from ParanoidDelusions

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Special accommodations does seem to be the root of the problem. The idea that we have to bring them along rather than they have to figure out how to keep up. 

 

Tue Apr 13 2021 16:54:15 EDT from Nurb432

 That is my line too ( and what i mean by in the face ).  Acceptance that they are different, and dont treat them poorly due to being them different.  But accommodation? No more than they should accommodate me.



 



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