Does the celibacy thing apply to the pope too? If so, forget it,
though the hats are kinda nifty. Somebody else can be pope if I can
borrow the hats sometimes.

You can be the pope and not be celibate. I have a wife and two kids. Anyone can be pope because there is no such thing. In fact, "Pope" brand olive oil is far more legitimate than that dude who leads the latter-day Roman Empire dressed up as Christianity.

(As a "recovering catholic" I'm pretty hostile towards the vatican. Jesus is the only answer. Come to know Him now!)