Write your own goddamn TPS reports. The Cube will not do it for you,

no matter how many idle cycles we have.

The Cube has been obsolete for a long time. Nowadays it's all about The Cloud.

Resistance is futile. Your SLA will be eliminated.

Are we discussing the NeXT? That really has been obsolete for a while.

Today I ended an email with the phrase "Teamwork makes the dream work!"
I'm so motivational, someday I might live in a van down by the river.

If it's an ice-cream van, you'll be universally hated.

2017-05-26 11:41 from IGnatius T Foobar @uncnsrd
Today I ended an email with the phrase "Teamwork makes the dream work!"

I'm so motivational, someday I might live in a van down by the river.

What did you do with the real IG?

Remember, I am a Gemini. That means I'm schizophrenic and bisexual. In any situation there are two of me.

Is you is, or is you was, bipolar?

I believe I'm seeing a death march here.

Not Uncensored, obviously... my workplace.

As usual, the product seems fine, it's innovative, people would probably like it, if they ever learned about it.

But, it's a carefully guarded secret that we do not want our possible customers to know about.

Instead, we want to show them a pile of shit. We keep polishing it, and trying to tell them that scent they smell is actually roses, but the strategy doesn't appear to be working.

Our potential customers can't see the gem hidden inside the pile of shit.
And even if they could, they'd never be able to actually enjoy its shine, because there's a pile of shit around it.

It's 86 degrees Fahrenheit outside my office right now.

Just the right temperature to fire people. Heh.

VPN?

No need for that.

It's only necessary for pretty much most of the work we do, so we don't really need it.

*sigh*

My team exists as its own unit to work on a specific product.

This product is primarily used by another team who doesn't really pay for it in any way (not internally, or externally). They simply benefit from its use, and customers purchase their product specifically because of ours.

I'm told that there is no emphasis on selling the product I work on to others.

I've been told in the past that we don't earn anything, so we constantly get the short end of the stick when it comes to resources.

This ... feels familiar.

If that needs to be accounted for, then it's time to implement a chargeback system to other parts of the company.

Chargbacks can cause weird issues as departments start looking outside for what should be internal tasks, in order to "save money".

That would be an issue if, say, we provided IT services, or we built something for which many companies have built a solution, but what we've built is supposedly unique. In about two years, we'll probably be in demand by others if the crystal ball staring at marketing forecasts are correct.

In which case, I wish they'd just spin us off as a new company. We would no longer be chained by these other guys, hinging on their success or failure instead of our own. We'd also remove a few perceived conflicts of interests, I suspect.

Honestly, if we were doing something that you could find anywhere, I would prefer to find work elsewhere. I am not interested in reinventing the wheel, professionally. Fun to do as a hobby, though.