This is a rant.  Hit (S)top now if you don't want to hang around while I vent my spleen.

I don't respect authority.  Authority does not, by itself, deserve respect.  Go take your position of authority and shove it.

Respect is EARNED.  I've said so on this blog before.  There are people with authority in my life who I respect, because they've shown themselves to be inspirational and competent leaders.  Show me that you know what you're doing, prove to me that you've earned your position of leadership, and I will be the greatest team player you have ever worked with.  That's because you have earned my respect, and among people wired like me, respect is the currency of the realm.  

On the other hand, if you pull rank for no reason, if you micromanage people who have more experience and knowledge than you, it doesn't matter if your rank says that you're the emperor of the galaxy; you've lost my respect and I don't respect your authority.  If you're lucky I will leave your team.

I've had the blessing of working with some truly wonderful leaders.  These are relationships that transcend any reporting structure because everyone gets on the same page.  And even when there's a disagreement, I find it acceptable to let the person in charge make the final decision on something, because they've demonstrated that they've earned the right to do that.   (Hint: it's always "because of X, Y, and Z" rather than "because I said so.")  Relationships like that can even turn into long term friendships if the conditions are favorable.

So no, I will never respect authority on its own.  Show me that you've earned the respect and you'll get it in spades.  If you don't agree with that, go find some other world to live in that doesn't have me in it.

I'm looking through some of my old blog posts and realizing that I seem to use a different "voice" when I write in this blog than elsewhere.

So without further ado:

BLAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!   schmeep schmeep schmeep.    ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME IS HITLER!!!!!!!111111

It's called LINUX, not GNU/Linux.  And NEVER forget: CITADEL F**KING R00LZ!!!

Thank you.

There are really only two simple things that I want in this life.

One of them is a tree that grows marshmallows.  No leaves, just marshmallows.  This would be the perfect tree for campfires.  The fallen limbs can be used as firewood, and the smaller branches will have marshmallows on the end of them for toasting.  No longer would we have to buy marshmallows, clean up the sticks to use as marshmallow sticks, and then toast them ... just reach for a stick-with-marshmallow already put together, and stick it in the fire.  How wonderful would that be?  I want to live in that kind of world.  I like campfires.

Speaking of fire ... the other thing that I want is a universal detonator.  I want to be able to blow up anything, anywhere, at any time, without having to plant explosives first.  When I push the button, anything I want to explode must explode.  Don't like the way that asshole in the Lexus is hogging the highway?  Click, BOOM.  Problem solved.  Building next door blocking my view of the sunset?  Click, BOOM.  Turn on the TV and find that The View is on?  Click, BOOM.  (Note: in that last case, the explosion occurs in the TV studio, not in my living room.  The universal detonator must work remotely.)

I don't ask for much.  I just want these two simple things.

Let's face it, folks: clowns are creepy.

No one likes clowns anymore.  They are an antiquity of the 20th century, when adults and children alike found them funny and entertaining.  That just isn't the case anymore.

(Image credit: Matthew Inman, theoatmeal.com)

That being the case, why does McDonald's still have the creepy clown Ronald McDonald as its mascot?  

Doesn't everyone know that someone who looks like this is an obvious child molester?

It is obviously time for Ronald McDonald to retire.  Unfortunately, when I did a web search for "Retire Ronald McDonald," instead of seeing a bunch of people who agree with this sentiment, I instead found an obnoxious campaign by a bunch of nanny-state activists complaining that the McDonald's mascot is bad because they are marketing directly to children.  So what?  My kids don't decide when we eat at McDonald's.  That decision is always made by me, and/or their mother, and we feed our children a balanced diet.  Sometimes we go out, and sometimes we treat them to lunch at McDonald's.  It's nothing to be ashamed of!  They sell burgers and fries, which will make you fat if you eat there every day.  We don't eat there every day, or even every week.  I don't blame McDonald's for being who they are (some would disagree).  They are an American success story, they sell greasy food, and they should just "own it" instead of allowing themselves to get beat up by the Food Nazis.

(Now here's a girl who knows how to defend herself against creeps!  After this incident I rewarded her for her courage with a burger and fries.)

So let's collectively ignore the Food Nazis and let Ronald retire for the right reasons.  His garish colors are from the McDonald's decor of a bygone era, now that McDonald's restaurants have all been redecorated for the 21st century.  He's not entertaining anymore.  People think clowns are creepy.  People still love burgers and fries.  Now go out there and enjoy a clown-free lunch.

Dear Keurig,

Ever since becoming the owner of a Keurig coffee maker a few years ago, I have been a happy customer.  As I am the only coffee drinker in my home, I find it very convenient to brew single servings of coffee throughout the day when I want them, instead of having to brew an entire pot at a time.  Your product is innovative and changed the face of the industry.  Over these few years I've sampled many of the coffee pod selections sold or licensed by Green Mountain and have enjoyed many of them.

When the patents on the K-Cup form factor expired, it was obvious that third parties would begin manufacturing compatible pods and brewers.  It should have also been clear that as the inventor and leader in this form factor, Keurig products would continue to lead the industry.  Instead, however, you chose to deploy an abusive tactic in your "Keurig 2.0" brewers that simply locks out all pods manufactured by producers who have not paid a licensing fee to your company.  This is beyond disappointing; it is beneath contempt.

I am writing to let you know that I stand with a growing multitude of customers who refuse to ever purchase a "Keurig 2.0" product.  When my existing brewer reaches the end of its service life, I will replace it with an unlicensed, third-party manufactured brewer that happily brews licensed or unlicensed pods.

Furthermore, I will no longer purchase Keurig licensed pods, even the brands I had purchased and enjoyed in the past.  I have identified a number of roasters who are not participating in your draconian licensing program, and will purchase their products instead.  In fact, due to your monopoly abuse, I have discovered that several roasters whose products are quite good, sell their pods at a substantially lower price than Keurig licensed pods.

Keurig, the quality of your product should stand on its own.  I implore you to remove the draconian restrictions from your products before your reputation as an innovator of quality products is replaced by a reputation as an abusive monopolist.  The latter will happen if you continue on your current path.

This is an open letter.  I will be posting it to social media sites and I encourage anyone reading it to spread it around.